You think romance exists? Forget about it. I've been up and down every rainbow that ever had a pot of gold attached to it. Sure there's love. I can look into my dogs' eyes every time I feed her and see that. But romance. It's as intangible as the moon is like a slice of salami fitting between your thumb and forefinger. Sure, there are 19 year old women insisting the positive flow of hormones so audacious they'd rob banks given the chance. But connecting with someone, truly truly, I've my doubts. I mean, first there's got to be the attraction. Attraction = the willing to caress with any orifice... any orifice. And then there's got to be the logical reason. The logical reason = this person doesn't bore my to death with their endless banter. Finally, there has to be a soul connection. The soul connection = Jesus, yes no or maybe. Find the equation to all three... god fucking bless... settle for anything less, look forward to a life of irony and or possibly good sex. My only solace is an understanding of a less than positive relationship with my mother. Perhaps If I earn enough I won't have to think about it more. I'll never understand women. But, in retrospect, I've never understood myself. So, I guess we're even.